The Space Between Grieving and Despair

My Dad died a few months ago. I took care of him through a prolonged, painful, extended suffering and watched him die slowly in front of me. I also preached his celebration service (link here, more posts to come on this).

From my very personal and real experience of suffering and death, there is something that I as a Christian must wrestle with, a spiritual no-man's land that anyone can fall into when suffering. This is the space between grieving and despair. 

Let me explain. 

Mourning/grieving is good. It's cathartic. It's human and it's necessary. Jesus designed us this way to express and feel as He expresses and feels. The Bible says we are made in God's image, and grieving loss is actually part of how we reflect His character. 

But it is important to note that our grieving turns into despair when it stops focusing on Jesus in our loss to solely on the loss apart from Him. That happened to me the day after my Dad died and I recognized that despair immediately. I had transitioned from grieving and mourning the amazing Dad I had, to slipping into a despair of life itself.

This shift happens when the source of our hope moves in the grieving heart from Jesus to these lost relationships. Unknowingly, our heart will seek to shift away from the hope of Jesus, and rest in experiences that will never happen, conversations that will never again be spoken, and regrets that will never be reversed. 

Frankly, I had never experienced a despair like that before and it was scary. But I started to meditate on Jesus, what He looked like, how He talked...simply meditating on the person of Christ. When I did, He shared with me a vision of heaven and of my Dad worshiping at Jesus' throne. It was a beautiful, spiritual vision that infused hope back in, and moved from despair back to grief and mourning. 

Despair ignores Jesus in the mourning and grieving. It produces hopelessness. 

Grieving and mourning give voice to the longing of the soul that all is not right, that death is theologically, morally, personally, relationally, inherently wrong, and it hurts like hell because that's where it came from. 

In the times of suffering and pain, we are freed by Jesus to embrace grief fully, to mourn passionately, and reject despair intentionally.

To a Better Way: Affirmations in the Life of Joshua Young

I am not perfect despite what I used to believe.

I am not who I used to be.

I have changed, am changing, and will change because Jesus is working in me.

I am focused on being more like Jesus, and that is 'God's will' for my life, not a job, ministry, or relationship.

I am not my faults, failures, and short-comings.

Brokenness will persist in my life until Jesus brings perfect peace, not until then.

Healing from brokenness is not a destination, it is a pathway.

I am not defined by past relationships, hurts, and pain.

I have hurt others and am free to forgive myself, because Jesus has forgiven me.

I cannot let my past failures define my present perspective on reality.

My broken engagement is not a pattern and does not determine my future marriage.

I am not as prideful as I used to be, but I'm more prideful than I should be.

Jesus was humble for me so that I can be humble in Him.

I'm free from pride, anger, and striving.

I can rest in what has already been done for me.

I am forgiven because of Jesus' death.

I am free because of Jesus' victory.

I am alive because of Jesus' resurrection.

Just because my Dad is dead does not mean I am not still his son.

God is my Father and he will fill in the gaps that my Dad's death has left in me.

There is a reason for Dad's death and Mom and I's part in it.

Jesus redeems every pain, every hurt, every suffering, and every sin for His glory and my joy.  He has consistently and clearly met me in the threshing floor of my life, picking up what I see as garbage and mistakes, and creating sometime new and beautiful out of it.  There is hope

He brings healing in my brokenness, love in my pain, joy in my suffering, peace in my despair, hope in every challenge.  He loves me enough to not deliver me from my sufferings, but give me the strength to bear under them.  He cares for me enough to not leave me in despair and guilt, sin and lies...but to call me to a better way.  There is a better way.

There is no chasm of sin or suffering that can separate me from His bridge-building love.  There is no misstep that can thwart me from His purposeful path.  There are no winds of choice too strong to lead me away from the coastline of His grace.  There is security.

Jesus is all-rightness, and He makes me right because He took my wrong and obliterated it on the cross.  

I am free.

#125

let not upon man's hope we rest
far up on that distant shore
but rather let us God's presence test
and ever show that He is more


forever present is Christ's hope divine
with us in the waves so strong
i am His and He is mine
he will always bring me home


for though the breakers may never cease
nor life's troubles ever end
always in You i find peace
hope to sustain, and grace to mend

Please Break Glass in Times of unCertainty

I’ve been out of a job for a week, but haven’t been working for almost three months.

I am a person who is driven, passionate, and loves to work, have responsibility, and lead, so this not-working/staying-at-home thing is something that absolutely kills me.  Sitting at home, getting unemployment, and trying to find jobs at churches or elsewhere…the uncertainly and lack of intensity drives me insane.

Throughout this three+ month walk along an oftentimes dark and unsure path, I am trying to be reflective of my life and walk with Jesus.  As someone who trusts in God and the Bible, I have full confidence that nothing happens outside of God’s control or by chance.  So for me, this job situation is just as spiritually impactful as going to church on Sunday, if not more.

I know from reading the Bible that God sometimes places us in these in-between situations to grow us and stretch us, especially as it relates to our faith in His goodness and love.  So the question I am asking myself constantly is "God, what are you trying to teach me".  This unsure path is meant to get me looking UP, not AROUND...and I can’t say with honesty that my eyes have stayed completely on Jesus for these three months. (Check out my buddy Pete for more details on that)

While at times I like to rebel or throw pity parties or rant at God, I am trusting that God does truly know me intimately and has a plan for me that I can either submit to or not.  Open candor with God is always better than closed and angry feelings towards God.  One opens communication, the other closes…and right now I’m trying to communicate and cry out like I’m sinking in the Sea of Galilee.

God has been continuously bringing me back to Psalm 139, especially in the past month.  I am holding on to the truth of this passage, and praying for the faith to trust that God will actually do what He says.  And instead of having little faith and sinking, I want to have big faith to be walking towards Jesus because I know if I do that, the rest will work itself out.

Here are three biblical ways to respond while walking through some of these uncertain paths:

  1) trust that God is faithful to complete what He has started in you

  2) know that all things happen to work for God's glory and our joy

  3) hope that God is blessing and will bless you in ways you cannot currently see

[for more fun, read this last sermon from John Piper. Good stuff]

This Present Hope- London Day 2

Hope.
Prayer.
Tribe.
Biblical Church.

These are the four topics expounded upon at Dwell London, a powerful gathering for church-planters and potential CP’s throughout the country of England.  After an incredibly intense day of understanding the overall religious culture through immediate immersion, this second day was more focused on the local church and its specific needs in the cultural context of western Europe.

This Present (Hope)

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Rom. 15:13)

How have you seen hope expressed in the local church? 

Outside of vision casting, the idea of hope from the pulpit is most often related to eternal glory with Christ.  While this is not a bad perspective, it is one which is sadly incomplete.  Because the concept of progressive sanctification is little referenced in the church, the hope of future glory tends to override the beauty of present sanctification.

Steve Timmis, regional director of Acts29 in Europe, began to touch on this by stating, “our perspective of hope has been reduced to spiritual anorexia”.  The question is: why?  The reasoning for this relates to an inaccurate and incomplete view of the overall narrative of scripture among the rising generation of church leaders.

Most evangelicals would ascribe to the Creation (Gen. 1-2), Fall (Gen. 3-11), Redemption (Gen. 12-Rev. 20), and Consummation (Rev. 21-22) narrative of the Bible, but fail to incorporate this into their theology, express this in mission, or teach this through spiritual formation.  As Steve continued to express his perspective, the predominant theme he kept coming back to was Genesis 12:1-3.  It says:

“Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father's house, To the land which I will show you; And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”

The impact of this passage is critical to the Gospel.  After the Fall and the protoevangelium in 3:15, there is no infusion of hope.  God promises, yet for almost 1,000 years there is no solution to the problem of evil.  Biblical scholars say Gen. 4:1 points to Eve anticipating the savior to be Cain, but that went horribly wrong.  And so in between Genesis chapters 4 through 11 all we see is failure after failure over a period spanning more than a millennium.  Cain’s murder of his brother (ch.3), the wickedness of man (ch.6), the Flood (chs.7-9), Noah’s sin (ch.9), and the Tower of Babel (ch.11).

And then God speaks. 

God chooses a wicked idolater who has no concept of the true God, and speaks a promise of blessing over him.  But it was not just localized to Abraham, God does something unbelievable.  He promises a heathen that He will make his nation SO BIG and SO EXPANSIVE that every single tribe in the history of the world will be blessed by his descendants!  This is an unparalleled covenant, unlike any other in scripture!  God makes a universal, global promise of salvation to someone who doesn’t even know Him as the true God!

And so the redemption of humanity began.

Another millennium later, God came down from heaven to fulfill His promise to bless the world through His ultimate Agent of blessing: Jesus—Living…Dying…Resurrecting, Jesus died a substitutionary death so that we could live a sanctified life and experience a glorified eternity.  He solved the problem of sin in Genesis 3, but He also did something else. 

Jesus blessed us.

This concept of blessing in ancient near eastern (ANE) Israel literally means to expand, or grow.  To bless was to speak an expansion of growth and potential over someone.  A curse is the opposite: a limiting of potential and restriction.

Naturally, God’s blessing of Creation was turned into the cursing of the Fall with the invasion of sin and depravity.  We were destined and blessed to fill the earth, subdue it, and reflect an innocent and perfect expression of the holiness and love of God on an undefiled earth.  But sin cannot allow us to do that, and thus we are limited by it constraints and consequences.

So Jesus’ solution to the problem of sin reintroduced blessing back into the world.  We are now capable, in a limited and imperfect way, to reflect the holiness and love of God…because of Jesus…by the Holy Spirit.

And thus the message of the Gospel is the fruition of both the promise of salvation in Genesis 3 and the hope of salvation in Genesis 12.

When we understand and connect with this, it unifies our view of the Gospel with the narrative expositions of the OT.  Every narrative in the OT reflects humanity’s brokenness and inability to be blessed.  And thus the eternal weight of Jesus’ sacrifice becomes much more real when we see it as a fulfillment of Genesis 3 AND Genesis 12!

The marriage of the promise of salvation and the hope of blessing as fulfilled in Jesus Christ is the key to living a sanctified, Gospel-centered life.

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How do you see this perspective of hope and Genesis 12 informing the local church’s view of Gospel-centered mission?